An observation (I am a plastic bag).

autumn autumn colours autumn leaves background
Photo by Pixabay on

Sometimes work saps the sap of life out of me (just jam the damn syrup spigot in my back already)… 2 days into the week and nearly 24 hours of work hours logged can do that, so I am beat like that plastic bag on the highway that keeps getting passed (unmercifully) car to car, under tires, sometimes head on, I feel like I am tumbling out of control head over heels into traffic (why am I programmed to work so damn hard?)… and like that bag I am no good for my (immediate) environment, I want to defuse myself and live… but life is not that simple as my typed words, years of behavior do not unravel and re-learn themselves in the blink of a blog, “it’s a process” … ugg, that almost makes me sick thinking it let alone typing it, but what else can I do ?  360 in a day doesn’t happen, we all love the certain and known (I am surely no exception), but try and step back, well… do step back, sure it will be a bit  late most of the time, but not all the time, at least, that is where I am at, I can only speak for me, this one voice, this one vessel filled with all the unique and common experiences, how do we think like anyone else?  how can we?  is trying enough? or is failing better?  Just throwing things, cuffs off and all, just throwing things bouncing my inner walls…

companion” 8/13/2018

do I talk, when I dream

I do not know, you tell me

do I snore, when I sleep

I do not know, you tell me

my mate

my companion

you know more of me than me

from observation of my sleep

just one of my fave singers/songs live…

Eluveitie – Omnos (Acoustic)

Note: my posts are totally organic (except the poetry when date stamped), tonight I am totally exhausted but writing… it brought me some semblance, I thought about writing nothing, but… the muse took over, so the lesson, move over rover and let the muse take over….


tonight’s lesson on new york city (or parts thereof)…

new york city
Photo by Vinta Supply Co. | NYC on

Although my job can be thoroughly frustrating (often) I must admit (begrudgingly) that it does afford me the opportunity to discover/explore/experience all the locales of the local locale (whew, that’s a mouthful), I guess more simply I am thrust into neighborhoods not too far from where I grew up (well, grew up in the physical sense), and said neighborhoods can be interesting little beakers of human experiment.  Today I was stuck, ahem, ‘assigned’ to a store in (googling the section where Dykman street is… hold on…) the Inwood section.  The history is pretty interesting if you read the Wiki…  but there is definitely some gentrification going on here, right around the corner from the store (and storefronts which are clearly Dominican/Puerto Rican) is a little street that is a little booshie… (go to the street side view)… very different from Broadway proper (almost the bronx)… trust me, this will be the new Williamsburg imo (not necessarily a bad thing)… just a little exposition on a neighborhood that will explode, I mean, damn it is right on the Hudson river, easy access to the G-Dub… cmon now…

Anyway, just past the store is this intersection… don’t blame me, blame the city planners…(map) (you might have to click on “larger map”), it is funny that it is a dead end where they meet… let me know if you spot what I spotted… (wink)

and I will be back there tomorrow, so I hope to explore the neighborhood further, but man the pizza (Sicilian) sucked @ tony’s but my co-worker Alex (who is all Rican … Dominican and Puerto mix!) said “what did you expect in a Dominican neighborhood”… damn I am white and stupid… I should stick to the local licks.


thoughts from the porch…

photography of maple trees
Photo by Johannes Plenio on

continuing my series of just parking my big white butt outside and looking at the small window of the world I can see here in new jersey suburbia.  I am a little behind so I am posting two posts that represent two weeks, I am posting tonight’s first (and last week’s just under) because if feels more vital to me, I am trying to carve out the time to post on time, in my head I have a plan but the world seems to disagree with me… often, but I will endeavor to keep doing this project, sort of like the “picture a day” thing people do online, it is revealing, I hope this experiment turns out worth it, if not, well, then it doesn’t… but I am certainly more optimist than not so, with that all said…

9.16.18 (porch series)

this is one of those fall nights

where everything seems the way described in books

the temperature has fallen into comfort

into just cool enough

especially on the back of the memory of an angry blistering summer

(but that even now seems so faraway

weeks wipe memories faster than time can build candles on a cake);

leaves have two lives now

clinging to branches or littering the floor

all from verdant green move to vivid spectrum now

swatches of the dead adorn

but no rebirth can occur without the purge, I know,

this same hour in which I write, is much later now

the ancients association of death with night

the night that approaches and slowly suffocates the daylight

day by day swallowed night by night longer into winter, a descent,

all life is strangled to slumber

each phase of the passing days

subtracts a piece of the orchestra

summer full bloom is certainly a symphony

(or cacophony for some)

but now the year moves to loom on ever still

the lights burn out from the peak fire of life

leaves fall, insects lose their songs

the rain will become hard blocks

but – I should remain in now

not dwell on such dire things

even if I might be quite used to them

why faster should I wish their arrival

for now – enjoy, this nearly flawless night

something of which I might wish I could capture

in a moving minute moment picture

wrapped up in ball of cloth, stuffed in my pocket,

so I might take it out and wrap around

to block out

the whatever “importance” is swirling about,

and come back, to now

sitting here under the hazy crescent moon

drawing deep breaths

exhaling –

to become a component of this night

under the hazy tender glow

of a crescent moon.

9.10.2018 (porch series)

in an instant, seemingly

the summer has given way

already the silent stalk of winter

inhabits the shadows

the rain, once soothing, once relief

now speaks of longer nights

and trades in the rumors of the coming cold

fall it seems is just a balance beam

between, walking along artfully to an inevitable end

the cycle which began will but start again

as is all things

but this is a different matter

to try and capture the unfolding

to observe the obvious march

towards winter’s holding

do I delight? or mourn?

but as yet I know reborn

but there must be, that firstlast kiss of death –

the step that must come before the stairs

before we can resurrect.

Music… dramatic, with classical instruments and modern ones… you might notice patterns, I might call them taste…

Apocalyptica featuring Lacey – “Broken Pieces”

Weekend = simplicity

not that I ever have a full weekend (rarely), I work 6 days a week (my choice I am not complaining…. ok, a little…), but I still like to think of the relief of the idea of a weekend… the idea sounds so damn nice… but if you follow me you see that I like to post some simpler things on the weekend, or funny things, not everything I post has to be an exposition to impress you or anyone, I aim to entertain to those who like my particular brand of thought (I post almost all my work, good, bad or indifferent), that’s all, as I usually say “with that said…”… so with that said…

untitled” 4/26/18

hello day moon

I’m told you must signify something

just another thursday

I might imagine

if clouds are mountain tops

you are the king

but not mine

untitled” 4/26/18

amber ember remember

blazing fire burning hotter,


why do I keep locked back

to ponder wonder hover,

the past is ash

yet I still grasp

the soot, stains my fingers

the scent, of expired fire

that once was

where now – there is none

struggle” 4/28/18

cherry blossoms fallen

first line of defense

dandelions spawned


buds bustle and deploy

out on limbs

but winter always loses

so why try?

like all else


for every ounce of life

untitled” 4/28/18

a sunset

how many more sunsets

will I see

how many more


all around

this world is sprouting green

but yet my heart remains mourning

in winter’s captivity

musical amusical a musical, going really classic (legendary imo) on you all…

Cream – White Room (Royal Albert Hall 2005)

Wordpress home page strikes again!

Do you watch some of the silly tags that come across on the “reader” page here… I do, and sometimes the combos are quite amusing (well, to this jersey boy anyway), just logged in and saw this…

Suggestions: Craft Beer, Psychology, Happy Place.

Seems like a flow chart of my life .. Craft Beer (check), go to the psychologist (check), in my happy place (check)… ahhh….. that’s all just a silly post as I am sometimes just a silly goose (this being one of those times if you did not notice)

Avarice… just a quick little poem…

full frame shot of eye
Photo by Vladislav Reshetnyak on

avarice” 9.14.2018

nefarious ones, and fives,

line my pockets, passed around

these filthy whores, sweaty grimy hands,

passing underhand deals

gambling debts, illicit sex acts,

people, bought and sold


money is not the root of all evil

money is simply the financier.

notes… I think this one is pretty straight on, I was picking at the underlying scab of the ugliness of humanity and money…. am I above it ?  I wish I could say I am totally a pauper who lives the life of a monk, but here I am on my $3K laptop posting about greed… as if I am better than anyone (which I am certainly not), stripping yourself of the material is a process, after all, I’m just a material girl… in a material world…

music… again I will wander into the obscure, I can pretty much guaranty you never heard this… but it is pre-korn NIN type stuff, they fizzled out but this song had it all imo… (and no it is not death metal, clean vocals but it is heavy at times…)

Drown – “What it is to Burn”

Concert Review: “Cellar Darling” live in Brooklyn (technically Greenpoint) 9.11.2018 (pt 3 – epilogue and things I forgot to mention)

people dancing inside building
Photo by Maurício Mascaro on

Just some rambling last thoughts (or things I forgot as I write my posts whole-cloth from memory on the spot)…

Anna remarked during the show how she does not like to talk (just perform) which sort of is ironic for a lead singer (at least I thought so, but she was in a talkative mood this particular evening – she talked about how they like to tell stories with their songs and origins of the various lyrics, definitely a different vibe than “this is a song about a girl” or whatever…).  More importantly she said that the new album is pretty much done (and a new song was ready to be debuted… soon! yay ! If I remember correctly she said the new tune was very complicated so they couldn’t play it yet live.  Which makes sense if you know any professional musicians, doing things in a studio is one thing but then learning the new stuff cold to play live is quite the different animal all-together.)  Did I mention she plays a friggin’ hurdy gurdy ?  That thing looks like it weighs a ton.  From a show perspective I thought it was pretty cool that she would hop on the thing (it was on a stand) but then hop off to sing lead / engage the audience. She also broke out a flute… man she makes me feel like a lazy musical bum!

My staked out position happened to be next to 2 black guys (and their girlpal), I only say that because for whatever reason there just generally is not a lot of black people at metal/rock shows.  In fact one of the guys remarked “hey, we are the 2 token black people here”… which I found amusing (if you like South Park, think of Token).  It got me thinking back to a show I was at ages ago for the BRC (Black Rock Coalition) in NYC.  The BRC is pretty interesting I recommend you check them out (for once I would say their Wiki page is pretty accurate). Of course my favorite all time singer is Doug Pinnick and he always wondered about why there is so few black artists/fans in the genre as well (as you could argue that rock and roll itself (and by extension metal) is derived from essentially black music – I don’t want to go to far into the weeds on this right now, maybe another time we’ll have that discussion).

So just a final overview/review… (in case I missed it), this band are total pros man, very tight and obviously well rehearsed, I have seen plenty of “big” bands in my day be a little sloppy or not pay as much attention to detail (lazy from success maybe?).. but Cellar  Darling ?  nah, they nail it… sure, they have a limited catalog admittedly but I have a good eye (and ear) for these things.

Unfortunately I could not stick around after the show but the band was hanging out interacting with the fans at the merch table… damn, it would be nice to be independently wealthy… but I will settle for mildly comfortable for now…